Every so often someone will say to me, “My friend asked me to be their power of attorney,” or “I’ve been asked to serve as a trustee.”

Usually, the question that follows is simple: Should I do it?

The answer, of course, depends. Sometimes it is one of the most meaningful ways we can help someone we care about. But too often people say yes without fully understanding what the role involves—and that can lead to stress, conflict, and situations that are much harder to navigate than anticipated.

Recently, a dear friend of mine asked if I would serve as his medical power of attorney. My friend is single, has no close children, and wanted someone he trusted to help if he were unable to make medical decisions for himself.

I was honored he asked. But my friend lives in Arizona, and I live in California. After thinking carefully about it, I told him that I did not feel I could effectively manage that responsibility from afar if something serious happened. Instead, I suggested he consider hiring a life care manager—a professional who can coordinate care locally and advocate for him if his health changes. I told him I would happily stay involved and share his wishes with that professional if needed.

In this case, saying “not quite” felt more responsible than simply saying yes.

Another example came from a woman I spoke with recently who is well into her 90s. She is bright, capable, and has served as trustee for two of her husbands after they passed away. She has experience and good judgment. But she also recently agreed to serve as trustee for a dear friend who lived in another state.

That decision has turned out to be far more complicated than she expected. Her friend’s children were not included in the trust and are now contesting it. She is managing assets across state lines, dealing with attorneys, and navigating family conflict—at an age when most of us hope life will be simpler.

Again, she said yes because she cared about her friend. But the reality of the role is far more demanding than many people realize.

Serving as a power of attorney or trustee can involve significant responsibilities, including making medical decisions during crises, managing finances or property, communicating with doctors, attorneys, and family members, handling legal or tax matters, and sometimes navigating family disagreements.

It can also take time, emotional energy, and sometimes travel, particularly if the person lives far away.

Before saying yes, it is worth asking a few practical questions:

Am I geographically close enough to help effectively?
Do I have the time and bandwidth to take this on?
Are there complicated family dynamics I may be stepping into?
Would it make sense to involve a professional, such as a life care manager or professional fiduciary?

Being asked to serve in these roles is a sign of deep trust. But one of the quiet wisdoms of aging is understanding our limits as well as our intentions. The goal is not simply to say yes, but to make sure the help we offer is thoughtful, sustainable, and truly serves the person who placed their trust in us.