Holidays, a good time to look for signs of elder abuse

Holidays, a good time to look for signs of elder abuse

My dog’s specialty vet closed her practice last week, a result of an elder experience that’s becoming far too commonplace in today’s world.

When I asked why she was shutting down, my vet told me she’d been struggling over the past year to deal with issues related to her aging mother. The problems had become too exhausting and frustrating, she said.

Her mother was declining mentally, and because she lives three hours away by plane, my vet had no idea of the extent of her ailment. It turns out the vet’s brother was writing checks to himself and having their mother, while in a state of cognitive impairment, sign them.


Experience shape seniors’ moral compass

Experience shape seniors’ moral compass
If you’re an older adult and recent news reports about the firing of media icons Bill O’Reilly, Matt Lauer, Charlie Rose and Garrison Keillor have rattled you, you’re not alone.

 I’d like you to read these two statements:

“Lance Armstrong won the Tour de France a record seven consecutive times.”

“Lance Armstrong was banned from sanctioned Olympic sports for life as a result of long-term doping offenses.”

Which of these facts carries greater weight when gauging Armstrong as a person?

I posed this question to a group of seniors in Calabasas recently. It didn’t surprise me that all but a couple chose the second statement.

Studies have shown that when judging strangers and rating their likability, seniors weigh negative information about moral character more heavily than information about their abilities or accomplishments.

Good advice for seniors: Don’t worry, be happy

Good advice for seniors: Don’t worry, be happy
I marvel at my husband, who’s asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow. Not me.
If I had a nickel for every time I lay awake at night thinking about something I needed to do the next day or replaying in my mind something that happened at work I’d be rich.

In my 20s I remember being embarrassed when a friend told me I emotionally reacted to a problem that might be rated a two like it was a 10. I actually wished that I had been born less inclined to agonize over even the smallest of things.

I’ve been a worrier my entire life, but thankfully, age has tempered my fretting.

It’s not that I have done anything special—except get older. It seems nature helps us to manage the ups and downs of life more skillfully as we age.

There is a theory called the Paradox of Aging, which posits that peoples’ reasoning changes as we get older.

New Medicare cards safer to carry

New Medicare cards safer to carry

The average American visits a doctor four times a year.

Seniors visit a doctor nearly twice that much.

At each doctor visit we are asked to show our identification and our insurance card. For most adults 65 and over, that is their Medicare card.

It’s always been a catch-22. Seniors need to show their Medicare card at the doctor’s office and at the hospital, but they’re cautioned against carrying it with them because it contains their Social Security number.

Social Security offers online account

Social Security offers online account

Recently my friend Ken sent me a link to a Washington Post article about protecting your Social Security number.

The article was in response to the breach at Equifax—one of the top three credit reporting agencies—that had exposed the personal information of 145.5 million people earlier this year.

On Oct. 12 the company said it had disabled one of its customer help online pages and is investigating another possible cyber breach.

Here are the facts, according to Equifax. The breach lasted from mid-May through July. The hackers accessed people’s names, Social Security numbers, birth dates, addresses and, in some instances, driver’s license numbers. They also stole credit card numbers of about 209,000 people and dispute documents with personal identifying information of about 182,000 people.

The Federal Trade Commission offered steps to help protect your information from being misused. In broad strokes, it 

As parents age, denial sets in for adult kids

Fear is often root cause

As parents age, denial sets in for adult kids
In my conversations with home-care agencies, residentialcare facilities and hands-on family caregivers, I hear an almost universal challenge: family members who are in denial about their senior loved one’s mental, physical or emotional health.

 

“Dad has never been violent,” says the son whose father with dementia punched the female caregiver in the chest.

“I visited Mom last week and she seemed fine to me,” says the daughter who’s been told her mother is taking and hoarding the possessions of other residents.

“I think you’re exaggerating,” says the brother who lives hours away after being told by his sibling that their father is ready for hospice care.

According to the Mayo Clinic, “Denial is a psychological defense we use to reduce our anxiety when dealing with a stressful situation.”

Seniors and smartphones: a good fit?

Seniors and smartphones: a good fit?
My friend John surprised me last week when he told me that for the first time in a year he’d hauled out his computer to do some work. He said, “If I can’t do it on my smartphone these days, it doesn’t get done.”

 

John’s specific demographic is embracing smartphone technology at a rapid pace. John is under the age of 70 and has a household income over $75,000 and a college degree.

According to the Pew Research Center, 81 percent of older Americans whose annual household income is $75,000 or more say they own smartphones, compared to 27 percent of those living in households earning less than $30,000 a year. Two-thirds of seniors with bachelor’s or advanced degrees report owning smartphones compared with 27 percent for those who have not gone beyond high school.

A smartphone is 

When is it the right time to move?

When is it the right time to move?
My parents have new neighbors. Jack and Carole, both in their early 80s, realized their cape-style home in Rhode Island was too much for them, with bedrooms on the second floor and the washer and dryer in the basement. They would soon need some help and decided a one-story home, minutes from their son in New Hampshire, was a good choice.

One week after they purchased their new house, Carole was diagnosed with terminal cancer.

On the day of the move, after the furniture and boxes were placed in the home, Carole came out of her son’s car to enter the house. She had a walker with tennis balls on the bottom. My mom watched as Carole took a few steps and then had to sit down.

Jack and his son went into the house and grabbed a kitchen chair. They sat Carole in the chair and carried her into the house.

My mom took the transport wheelchair we have for my father and brought it over to Jack and Carole. She asked them if they would like to borrow it and they were greatly appreciative. They had not planned on Carole needing something like that.

As my mother relayed this story to me last week, I was struck by the challenge that many seniors face in knowing when it’s the right time to move.

While most seniors want to age in place, for some that may not be a realistic option.

Influx of seniors challenge emergency room system

Influx of seniors challenge emergency room system

The number of older people in emergency rooms is expected to increase significantly over the next 30 years, doubling in the case of those older than 65 and potentially tripling among those over 85.

Our healthcare system is in critically short supply of primary care physicians and geriatric specialists to treat seniors. As a result, many seniors end up in emergency rooms rather than being treated in the community.

The emergency room can be an overwhelming place for seniors, as they must enter an unfamiliar environment, field rapid-fire questions, then experience fear and anxiety about the diagnosis that awaits.

Are our emergency rooms prepared for this significant growth in senior patients? The answer might be no, unless we heed a call to arms in the following critical areas.

Supporting a grieving parent

Supporting a grieving parent

Last week I asked my mother if there was something she thought I should write about in my column. Quick to reply, she said, “How does one cope when their spouse is dying?”

“What do you mean by cope?” I asked.

“Are there things I should do? Are there ways to prepare for what is to come?” she replied.

Our family has spent 20 years thinking about my father’s final days, ever since his Parkinson’s diagnosis. In the last few years, we have prepared practically, legally and financially for the end of his life.

The one scenario we’ve not tackled: How should we be feeling as my father’s death draws near?

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